Despite Everything, I Really Want A '939' Alfa Romeo Spider

The Brera-based Alfa Romeo Spider is slow, heavy and not terribly good to drive. But I still want one...

Remind me later

There are many reasons why you should not buy a ‘939’ Alfa Romeo Spider.

For starters, it’s packing the ‘wrong’ V6. Arriving just after the death of the legendary Alfa Romeo V6 - and indeed the passing of its creator Giuseppe Busso - the Spider instead made do with a far less charismatic, General Motors-sourced 3.2.

Then you have to consider the weight. Tipping the scales at around 1700kg, the Spider really was a porker, and as a result it takes a leisurely 7.2 seconds to go from 0-62mph, even with a reasonable 260bhp on tap.

The limp performance and lack of fireworks under the bonnet are potential deal-breakers on their own, before you even contemplate the handling. Which is apparently shocking.

I’ve not had a chance to drive the four-wheel drive V6 Spider, but road testers reported the flabby 939 range-topper was nose heavy, rolled hilariously in the corners, and suffered from appalling scuttle shake. Add in the fact Alfa Romeo reliability was - according to surveys at the time - still not brilliant, and you have a recipe for one big nope of a car.

Despite everything though, I want one. I really do. I mean, just look at it. In the right colour with multi-spoke wheels (sacrilegious though it might sound, I’m not a massive fan of the teledials), it’s a stunning thing to behold. It always irked me than the Brera was more hatchback than coupe, so lopping off the roof created a much more elegant shape to my eyes.

Yes, I know it’s too slow, too fat and will understeer at the slightest provocation, but I find the idea of cruising around with the roof down, ears full of V6 noise (even it it’s not the best V6) immensely appealing.

The good news is, grabbing a slice of cruisey Alfa life is getting cheaper and cheaper. The car you see here is the cheapest of the few V6s for sale in the UK (according to only a few hundred V6 Spiders are registered in the country), mostly because it has a considerable 106,000 miles on the clock. As a result it’s up for just £7695, a figure low enough for us to overlook the fact the advert says things like “car benefits from BLUE,” and is written almost entirely in lowercase.

No, this is not a good car, but that doesn’t stop me wanting it. Someone please talk me out of this…